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I'm Bored

11/9/2017

24 Comments

 

Rabbi Ross. My son is always telling me that he’s bored. It used to be occasionally, but it’s become the family joke. “Mommy, there’s nothing to do!” All day and all night. He finishes his homework and complains. I don’t recall saying this to my parents, and my husband and I are really getting frustrated. We’ve tried many different ideas, but they aren’t helping. What do you suggest? Aliza - Queens

Well, without knowing what you’ve tried it gets a little tricky, but let’s go for it. Thirty years ago, I would get bored too.  I would never tell my parents, though, since the reply would be, “If you’re bored, I can give you something to do!”  I think that the phrase, “I’m bored” is really a unique way of asking parents to either watch TV or play an electronic device. I could be wrong, but most children don’t get bored when they’re involved in either of those activities.

First and foremost, don’t bribe your kids.  I know it sounds silly, but many parents wrote in that they pay their children to do things around the house. “Here’s $5.00 if you clean the dining room.” That’s insane. Not only are you teaching your children a bad lesson, you are making it more difficult to get them to help unless you continue to pay them – and minimum wage won’t cut it for long!

If you find yourself getting frustrated when your kids keep saying that they’re bored, you need to stop what you’re doing.  Telling them to find something to do won’t help. They’ll get frustrated, you’ll get aggravated, and it won’t work.  A real solution must be found, one that will not only stop the current whining, but prevent it in the future as well.

The obvious solution is to give your child something to do that will keep him or her occupied. We’re not talking about a one-time solution. We need to come up with something that will keep him busy all the time.  Many of you have shared some fantastic ideas, and I made a small list of practical advice.

Music. One of my children’s music teachers once shared the following quote, “I have never met a person who regretted learning how to play an instrument.” Each instrument has its pros and cons. Guitar and piano take a lot of patience. Wind and brass instruments are a bit easier, and drums can make you lose your mind. Your child should have some input into what he plays, in that way he’ll be motivated to practice as often as he can.

Playdates. Nowadays, many parents aren’t as excited about them, and I’m not sure why. One mother told me that she doesn’t want her children exposed to certain things, and unless she knows the other family extremely well, she’s going to err on the side of caution. While that sounds wonderful, I think it’s slightly unrealistic. Unless you have reason to suspect that there are serious issues in someone’s house, it’s usually not a problem. If you’re that worried, ask the Rebbe.

Baking. Believe it or not, baking is a great way to keep your kids occupied… boys or girls. Sure, your kitchen might look like a pig sty afterwards, but that’s also a teaching moment. There is something special about baking a cake and having your family enjoy it together. It’s a great feeling, and if your kids develop cooking skills and begin to enjoy it, they might be able to really help you as they grow up. 

Tutoring. As shocking as this sounds, having kids tutor others is amazing.  A 4th grade boy that reads Hebrew well, might be a lot more patient with a 1st grader than you would imagine. Do you have a neighbor with smaller children? This might be a win/win situation. There’s nothing wrong with your child being compensated for helping someone else like this, but you shouldn’t tell him to ask at this age. Incidentally, if the neighbor doesn’t pay him, I would give them a few dollars to give your son – let him appreciate the value of hard work.

Another idea that many people have suggested, is getting a pet. There are thousands of cats and dogs (and some other pets) that are waiting for warm homes. It’s a great outlet for your children, and they’ll develop responsibilities. Obviously, you need to make sure they are mature enough, although many shelters will ask the right questions to determine just that.  Running outside with a dog will stop your kids from saying they’re bored. If you’re not ready for this step, you can have your child offer to walk the neighbor’s dogs. It’s a great start, and he might make a few dollars as well.

Wishing you all a great Shabbos.
 
YR

24 Comments
Sherry B.
11/9/2017 06:31:35 pm

Fantastic! My kids are always telling me they're bored, and I always react the same way. I yell at them that they can't play on their iPads. They sulk. I get upset at myself. It's a never ending cycle. I will read this again with my husband.

Reply
Shmuel Tanner
11/9/2017 08:39:53 pm

It is wrong to have pets. Better spend the money on Helping others. Otherwise, great article.

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Ariella
11/9/2017 08:58:32 pm

What's the matter with you? Is there something wrong with caring for animals? I have 2 dogs, and I still do Chessed!

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Sara Ganz
11/9/2017 09:33:14 pm

I keep rewriting this comment. I can’t understand why people think it’s ok to make up rules for Jews. Why can’t we have animals? You don’t think it’s a good idea? One of the best wats to teach your children love, is to let them love animals. There are so many great things that animals do for kids. Get help.

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Anonymous
11/9/2017 08:57:15 pm

I have many points about this.

1. Baking idea is amazing. Love it.
2. Music idea is the best.
3. Pets? Good Luck finding Jews that will take in a cat or a dog.

Reply
Shayna Liedman
11/9/2017 09:05:45 pm

The baking idea is great. I always tell my kids to help me bake, and there are times that they will practically make Shabbos for me. Love this!

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Shaya Termechi
11/9/2017 09:06:55 pm

Tutoring? That is insane. Kids can't tutor other children. It's ridiculous. Better off reviewing their work.

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Cheskel Tykovitz
11/9/2017 09:13:19 pm

One key point that you're missing, is that the parents is giving the kid advice...maybe the parent should be doing something with the child. Parents get SO busy, and they don't have time for their children. Take a step back, and take care of your kids.

Chesky

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C.L.
11/9/2017 09:16:19 pm

Pets! Great idea! It’s a great way to give your kids a chance to care for animals and learn responsibility. I would start with a hamster or rabbit. Dogs and cats can be hard on parents.

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Avraham Reese
11/9/2017 09:29:25 pm

Just so you know, there are many parents that don't ever let their children have electronics. If my kids get bored, I tell them to go learn Torah. It's the best idea!

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K.B.
11/9/2017 09:45:02 pm

Yes! Yes! A thousand times YES! All of these are smart, baking, tutoring and all of it. But the pest idea is out of this world! Kids would develop so much better if they had pets. Why don’t religious Jews like animals?

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Bubby and Zaidy
11/9/2017 09:50:35 pm

Bribe? did you say that people bribe their children? I would say that I'm shocked, but these days anything goes. Parents, if you feel the need to bribe your children so they shouldn't pester you, smack yourself across the face.

Rabbi Ross. I just want to tell you how much we enjoy your articles. When my wife and I read about the parenting issues, we get such a kick out of it. Our issues were so much more boring. Have a good Shabbos.

Reply
Private
11/9/2017 09:56:34 pm

Wow. You’re approving comments this week. I thought you were ignoring comments until after the Bar Mitzvah. I have one point to make about this article. Play dates. I hear what you’re saying about not knowing other families, but it’s part of the growing up process. Unless there’s an obvious issue, let the kids go play. Make one rule. No electronics.

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Zahava Aranov
11/9/2017 10:18:34 pm

Along the lines of baking, there is also woodworking or lawn care. Anything that gets the creative juices flowing is great. I ask my kids to paint pictures that I hang around the house. They love it and it's so pretty.

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Sarit
11/9/2017 10:51:15 pm

As a mother with 4 bored children, I appreciate this email. It’s easier said than done though. Kids are bored very easily, and even when you have a solution for one, the next one is bored also. I will definitely try some of these ideas. Thank you for your Avodas Hakodesh!

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A crazed mom
11/9/2017 11:52:19 pm

This is such a common occurrence in my house. This is the hardest part of my night.....every night. If any of these ideas work, god bless you!

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Elie Rosenblum
11/10/2017 12:14:03 am

I’m a big fan of giving kids animals. Not ferrets or rabbits or turtles. Dogs and cats. They return love. Dogs are the best choice. Yes, you’ll probably spend too much time and money on it. You will definitely see a difference in your children. A good one.

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Menachem L.
11/10/2017 04:40:14 am

I can’t believe that you wrote this. How can you suggest people own a pet that is not kosher. Everything else was just fine until you wrote that. Yiddin should not deal with Treife animals.

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Shia M.
11/10/2017 07:35:13 am

You should probably discuss fire safety if you’re talking about kids in the kitchen. Very nice article.

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Eli Z.
11/10/2017 11:56:08 am

Playing music is a huge plus. Kid might hate practicing, but in the long run they will feel great about themselves.

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A Rebbi
11/10/2017 12:51:17 pm

These are all valid points. It’s interesting that in Yeshiva boys don’t get bored. The reason isn’t because we keep them busy all day, since they have recess and lunch. It’s because they have people to communicate with. This is the key reason for a child’s happiness and well being. Friends.

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D.L.
11/11/2017 09:10:05 pm

Read this over Shabbos. I've gotta say, the pets comment really struck me. you might be right. It's a real win/win for everyone.

Reply
Dan Freedberg
11/12/2017 07:23:38 am

Wonderful article. I would add, that the onus seems to being put on the mom. dads can help also! Yes, we all work long hours, but if you chose to have children, make time for them.

Reply
Private
11/12/2017 07:35:54 am

Ho about something called, imagination. Tell your kids to use their imagination and play. We shouldn't be giving our children help all the time, how will they learn to be independent?

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    Rabbi Yitzie Ross is a Rebbe and has been working with parents and kids for many years. You can read more about him in the "about" section.

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