I'm Bored

Rabbi Ross. My son is always telling me that he’s bored. It used to be occasionally, but it’s become the family joke. “Mommy, there’s nothing to do!” All day and all night. He finishes his homework and complains. I don’t recall saying this to my parents, and my husband and I are really getting frustrated. We’ve tried many different ideas, but they aren’t helping. What do you suggest? Aliza - Queens

Well, without knowing what you’ve tried it gets a little tricky, but let’s go for it. Thirty years ago, I would get bored too.  I would never tell my parents, though, since the reply would be, “If you’re bored, I can give you something to do!”  I think that the phrase, “I’m bored” is really a unique way of asking parents to either watch TV or play an electronic device. I could be wrong, but most children don’t get bored when they’re involved in either of those activities.

First and foremost, don’t bribe your kids.  I know it sounds silly, but many parents wrote in that they pay their children to do things around the house. “Here’s $5.00 if you clean the dining room.” That’s insane. Not only are you teaching your children a bad lesson, you are making it more difficult to get them to help unless you continue to pay them – and minimum wage won’t cut it for long!

If you find yourself getting frustrated when your kids keep saying that they’re bored, you need to stop what you’re doing.  Telling them to find something to do won’t help. They’ll get frustrated, you’ll get aggravated, and it won’t work.  A real solution must be found, one that will not only stop the current whining, but prevent it in the future as well.

The obvious solution is to give your child something to do that will keep him or her occupied. We’re not talking about a one-time solution. We need to come up with something that will keep him busy all the time.  Many of you have shared some fantastic ideas, and I made a small list of practical advice.

Music. One of my children’s music teachers once shared the following quote, “I have never met a person who regretted learning how to play an instrument.” Each instrument has its pros and cons. Guitar and piano take a lot of patience. Wind and brass instruments are a bit easier, and drums can make you lose your mind. Your child should have some input into what he plays, in that way he’ll be motivated to practice as often as he can.

Playdates. Nowadays, many parents aren’t as excited about them, and I’m not sure why. One mother told me that she doesn’t want her children exposed to certain things, and unless she knows the other family extremely well, she’s going to err on the side of caution. While that sounds wonderful, I think it’s slightly unrealistic. Unless you have reason to suspect that there are serious issues in someone’s house, it’s usually not a problem. If you’re that worried, ask the Rebbe.

Baking. Believe it or not, baking is a great way to keep your kids occupied… boys or girls. Sure, your kitchen might look like a pig sty afterwards, but that’s also a teaching moment. There is something special about baking a cake and having your family enjoy it together. It’s a great feeling, and if your kids develop cooking skills and begin to enjoy it, they might be able to really help you as they grow up. 

Tutoring. As shocking as this sounds, having kids tutor others is amazing.  A 4th grade boy that reads Hebrew well, might be a lot more patient with a 1st grader than you would imagine. Do you have a neighbor with smaller children? This might be a win/win situation. There’s nothing wrong with your child being compensated for helping someone else like this, but you shouldn’t tell him to ask at this age. Incidentally, if the neighbor doesn’t pay him, I would give them a few dollars to give your son – let him appreciate the value of hard work.

Another idea that many people have suggested, is getting a pet. There are thousands of cats and dogs (and some other pets) that are waiting for warm homes. It’s a great outlet for your children, and they’ll develop responsibilities. Obviously, you need to make sure they are mature enough, although many shelters will ask the right questions to determine just that.  Running outside with a dog will stop your kids from saying they’re bored. If you’re not ready for this step, you can have your child offer to walk the neighbor’s dogs. It’s a great start, and he might make a few dollars as well.

Wishing you all a great Shabbos.
 
YR