Hi. As our children are getting older, we’re scared they will hear about the crazy things going on in the world. Terrorists are shooting up places and blowing themselves up. Countries are threatening each other, and violence is permeating our atmosphere. How can my wife and I shield our children from this so they don’t hear about everything? Jason
(This reply assumes that your child does not personally know any of the victims. In the event of a personal tragedy, chas veshalom, there are different steps that need to be taken.) This is a great question, one that I’m sure many parents have to confront. A few years ago, while I was driving one of my sons home from Yeshiva, I inadvertently had the news on. The radio blared “A man blew himself up…” I quickly turned it off, but after a few moments my son asked me, “Does it hurt to blow yourself up?” As I began stammering while trying to focus on both the road and the question simultaneously, he continued, “What kind of air pump can blow up a person?” I know we believe that our children understand everything, but the fact is they don’t have the same grasp of these situations as us. In most cases, they don’t give this information a second thought, and only get nervous if their parents are nervous. Many grandparents clearly remember practicing hiding under desks during the cold war, and they dealt with it. One grandfather told me they welcomed the drill so they didn’t have to listen to the teacher drone on (times haven’t changed much apparently). September 11th was almost 15 years ago, and many kids that were younger then were not horribly affected. On the flip side, the graphic images and practically instant online access of current events certainly make things more challenging. Whether we like it or not, our kids are definitely being exposed to far more traumatic experiences and images than we ever were, and we do need to be careful. Additionally, even if you minimize your child’s access, he will most definitely hear about these things from a child whose parents are more open.We even have drills in most schools to be vigilant. There are active shooter drills, bomb drills, and kidnapping drills. Your child is instructed to hide in corners and stay low. This can also have an effect on your child’s mental health and he can start developing anxiety as a result. Oddly enough, some parents try to protect their children from gratuitous violence, but have no problem letting them watch inappropriate movies or play violent video games. If you think that your child in not being affected by these violent images, I have a Nigerian prince to introduce to you who has over 35 million dollars in a locked account. You mentioned you wanted to “shield” your children, and I’m not sure if that’s the best thing to do. It might make more sense to prepare your children. It’s much smarter to introduce sensitive topics in a proper environment, this way they can understand events on their level, and won’t be as susceptible to anxiety. Here’s an example of what to say to a seven-year-old who might hear of a violent attack. “Yesterday, a bad man hurt a lot of people in Turkey. We feel so bad for the people that were hurt. This doesn’t happen very often, because bad people are usually in jail. When we Daven today, we’ll ask Hashem to bring Moshiach so this never happens anywhere else.” To make this conversation with your children easier, I have included some tips for parents;
YR
27 Comments
Elisheva
6/30/2016 08:09:27 pm
I had to wait an extra week for this article since you had the emergency article last week. It was worth the wait. I enjoyed.
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Dan
6/30/2016 08:14:21 pm
I loved the part about the Nigerian prince. They're pretty desperate for help also. Well written as usual.
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Private
6/30/2016 08:15:19 pm
This article brings to light an important topic. Why aren't schools explaining why they're doing drills. Bring in some people to talk to the kids. This is crazy! My son came home terrified about bombs!
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Rabbi Ross
7/1/2016 07:56:58 am
I agree. The schools should have someone explaining at an assembly what the purpose is. Many of the Rebbeim or teachers are not qualified to explain this information, and make things even worse.
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Jason
6/30/2016 08:17:38 pm
Thank you for a great response. The word Shield was my idea, not my wife's.
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Yehoshua
6/30/2016 08:23:55 pm
This is a very important article. Unlike many similar ones, you mixed in some humor,and gave us clear and consise tips. Thank you for your help!
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Azi
6/30/2016 08:24:21 pm
Rabbi Ross. These articles are wonderful! Keep them coming.
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Rabbi G.
6/30/2016 08:26:48 pm
This article should be sent to all local Rabbonim. Very important information. Yasher Koach!
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Rivka M.
6/30/2016 08:28:28 pm
Did you have help writing this article from a professional? It seems like it was written by a psychologist. Wonderful!
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Rabbi Ross
7/1/2016 07:59:09 am
Typically, I write all articles myself. In a case that it might be controversial or incorrect, I have it proofread by an expert in that particular field.
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Chavi Welker
6/30/2016 08:39:18 pm
My son actually is scared to hear about everything going on in the world. He refuses to discuss his fears, so we're waiting for him to become more vocal. Is that correct?
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Rabbi Ross
7/1/2016 07:59:58 am
I would suggest bringing him to a licensed professional. Better safe than sorry.
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Chaim Oberlacht
6/30/2016 08:46:02 pm
Very good article. Parents should always shower their kids with love.
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Zev P.
6/30/2016 09:44:48 pm
My kids actually had night terrors after their school drills. I want to sit with my wife and review this all. Thanks!
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Devorah
6/30/2016 09:46:00 pm
I actually signed up for this article this week. I'm hesitant to join most of these things because they're a waste of time. This email was a pleasant surprise. I am forwarding to my friends.
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Joey
7/1/2016 01:03:19 am
Loved this email. Thank you!
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Sara Aronstein
7/1/2016 01:25:09 am
As a mother of 3 boys, I really appreciated this email. It's not a fun conversation, but it's necessary.
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Michael
7/1/2016 07:21:57 am
Rabbi Ross, this email brought up some very important issues. Prince of Nigeria notwithstanding, kids are playing games that have way to much violence, and parents need to be vigilant. Thank you for these articles.
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Rabbi Ross
7/1/2016 08:01:04 am
I agree. Parents should watch the games for a few minutes... they would be in for an unpleasant surprise!
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Private
7/1/2016 07:25:33 am
So, maybe schools should have people come and explain what's going on before these drills?
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Shayna
7/1/2016 07:38:07 am
Maybe, schools should tell parents the dangers of giving too much information to the kids. That would stop the constant flow of information.
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D.W.
7/1/2016 10:50:51 am
What's wrong with parents talking to all their kids together? Won't that make it easier because it's a group setting?
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Rabbi Ross
7/1/2016 06:53:56 pm
Technically, it would be easier. However, when one of your sons asks a question that you didn't want the other ones to hear, it'll be quite uncomfortable.
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Chanie A.
7/1/2016 03:42:21 pm
Typically, most kids recover from trauma very quickly. Sometimes discussing it makes it more of an issue.
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Rabbi Ross
7/1/2016 06:56:51 pm
I have asked many professionals, and they seem to disagree. Discussing it is in most cases an excellent idea, if they're not interested, they won't talk about it.
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Yaakov
7/2/2016 10:10:33 pm
I print out these articles every week, and read with my wife over Shabbos. I enjoyed this article very much, especially since you hit on some key topics. Trauma in kids I usually ok, but parents need to know what to look out for. Mood swings, personality changes and a few others.
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T.W.
7/3/2016 08:17:19 am
I've found that when giving other parents a heads up they their child is deceminating adult information, they are not usually receptive. You need to be very careful how you
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AuthorRabbi Yitzie Ross is a Rebbe and has been working with parents and kids for many years. You can read more about him in the "about" section. Archives
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