First of all, thank you for these wonderful emails. They are a huge part of our Shabbos table. Our question is concerning my son’s choice of Yarmulkas. I grew up wearing a black velvet yarmulke that covered a large part of my head. My son has begun wearing the ones they give out at Bar Mitzvahs to Yeshiva. Should I be fighting this? Will he grow out of it? Thanks for your help. - D & L Far Rockaway

The Bar Mitzvah yarmulkes are definitely an interesting addition to a teenage boy’s wardrobe.  The amount of thought and detail that goes into some of these logos is astonishing.  I always do a double-take when I see an older gentleman in shul wearing Tallis and Teffilin, with a Nike “Swoosh” yarmulke on his head that says, “Just Daven it!”  While not inspiring, it is certainly amusing.

However, I’m afraid I can’t answer your particular dilemma. A question like that really depends on your specific parenting style, and the way you interact with your children.  My 12-year-old son started wearing a yarmulke with a logo a year ago, and I asked him, “Please don’t wear those out of the house, as I don’t think it’s very appropriate.” That was the end of the discussion, and, Baruch Hashem, he doesn’t wear them anymore.

One father told me he had a similar discussion, but his son wanted to know, “What’s wrong with it?”  He explained, “Wearing a yarmulke is a Yid’s way of remembering that Hashem is always above us. Having Sponge Bob Square Pants, or a sports logo, on a Yarmulke seems a bit off.”  When his son replied, “Everyone else is wearing them”, he responded, “They’re not my responsibility, you are.” 

Every family is different. If your son is easygoing, and won’t put up much of a fight, by all means tell him not to wear them.  If your son will be more likely to make a big issue out of it, it might not be worth it. As a side note, I’m pretty sure this phenomenon is moving on to other religious items as well.  I recently saw a 14-year-old boy wearing Tzitzis with a photo of LeBron James on it.

If you’re asking my opinion on these Yarmulkes, I can’t help you. Whereas I don’t think it’s the best way to show your connection to Hashem, there might be children who may start wearing, or continue to wear, Yarmulkes because of the logos.  This much I can say. A Jewish boy should always wear a Yarmulke. Playing sports is not an excuse to stop wearing one, especially since there are nifty devices called bobby pins or clips, which do a masterful job of keeping them on.  As my Rebbe, who was bald, used to say, “I need thumbtacks!”    In any case, I would much rather see a boy playing basketball with a Donald Duck Yarmulke, than playing with nothing on his head.  

Getting back to your question. I have no clue what the dynamics are in your house. If your son will listen to you without putting up a fight, and the yarmulke issue really bothers you, take a stand.  It all comes down to the best advice I’ve ever heard - and it’s not just for parenting: Choose your battles.  If all of your son’s friends are wearing them in Yeshiva, and the Yeshiva has no problem with it, I’m not sure if it’s a battle worth fighting.  

Have a good Shabbos.
YR