Shabbos Activities

Rabbi Ross. Shabbos has become really difficult over the past few years. My older boys, ages 12, 9 & 7, insist on playing games that I never did as a child on Shabbos. They play football in the backyard, basketball on the block, baseball in the street, and all sorts of boards games that I always thought were forbidden. They also change into regular clothing as per my wife, but refuse to change back for Shul. I’m very unhappy about this, but my wife insists that unless I give them another option, I can’t take it away, since they’ll resent Shabbos. What do you think?  David
 
David, I thought about this question for many weeks, and I am truly stumped. Years back, I remember playing games like Sorry, Monopoly, and chess with my siblings, and once in a while playing outside in the playground. We never played sports. Then again, living in the city, there wasn’t much of an opportunity to play.

Nowadays, kids have easier access to fields, equipment and more. As you pointed out, making an issue out of playing outside can backfire. Your children can c”v come to resent Shabbos, and associate it with frustration and restrictions. In order to simplify the solution, we need to break down the main issues.

A) Is it okay for children to dress down on Shabbos? While some families wouldn’t even consider it, others don’t see a problem. In every community, “dressing down” can mean something totally different. To a mother from one Yeshiva, dressing down means black pants and a white polo.  A different Yeshiva might call that Shabbos clothes. They would call a tank top and shorts “dressing down”. In either case, is dressing down OK? 

B) Is it OK for children to play organized sports on Shabbos? Whether playing ball in a backyard, or on a basketball court.  Is this ok? 

C) What are alternative activities for kids to do on Shabbos? 

Believe it or not, this actually won’t be a long article, since the solution is really quite simple. There are two main ingredients that we need to juggle. Giving Shabbos respect while not making Shabbos a burden. Our goal as parents is to find the proper balance for each child.

I’ve listed some ideas that might help you find that balance. Wishing you Hatzlacha!

1. Don’t be the bad guy.  Instead of arguing with your kids about what’s appropriate, tell them to ask the Rav themselves.  Incidentally, this won’t work if you don’t have, or listen to, your own Rav.
2. If they are going to ask to dress down, beat them to it. Before the meal, ask your children to please change into different clothing so that they shouldn’t ruin his suit or her dress. This way, they’re doing it for a good reason.
3. Ball playing is a sticky subject. If you aren’t sure, you need to ask your Rav. However, the general rule that I like to use is, nothing too organized or played in public. If they’re having a catch or playing a small pickup game in someone’s backyard, it’s one thing. If they start making serious teams in a park, it’s not as appropriate.
4. There are Melachos of Shabbos that need to be watched. If a game is causing digging, knocking branches down, or anything similar, it needs to be toned down.
5. A great trick is to create playdates with the kids that don’t get so involved in sports. This will usually have a calming effect on your child.
6. There should never be a battle regarding going to Shul. If he doesn’t want to go, go without him. You can reward him for going, but don’t bribe him. Especially if he’s older.
7. If you’re having a lot of issues with this, ask your child’s Rebbe or Morah for advice. They’re good like that.
8. There are many great activities that can be played inside. Board games, knock-hockey, and so much more. Ask your friends for ideas.
9. Dads. Your Shabbos nap is awesome – but if you shorten it, and hang out with your kids, good things will happen! (Unless it’s easier for your wife when you stay out of the way.)
   
10. Most importantly, your children should never feel that Shabbos is restricting. If they are really pining to go outside and play ball, don’t fight it. Try to ensure that it’s for a limited amount of time, and then he’ll do something different.
    
11. If you are having serious issues with this, go back to   step one, but this time without your children. A good Rav should be able to better assist with this issue.

If you have any other ideas, please share them in the comments section. Have a great Shabbos!
​
YR