Is there a problem with using a non-Jewish babysitter? My friends seem to think my husband & I are horrible people because we do, but it’s really necessary. The alternative of sending him to a playgroup is too expensive, and ends too early. Is there a problem with using a non-Jew to watch my children? Name Redacted - Cedarhurst

Is there a problem? Well that depends on what you want your child exposed to. When my wife and I had our first child, we agreed to only have Jewish babysitters watch our children. Although we were lucky enough to have many awesome experiences, there were some pretty scary ones as well. B”H we caught them on our nanny cam and resolved the matters quickly.

Crazy experiences can happen with anyone, Jewish or not, and that’s why parents need to be extremely vigilant. Nonetheless, I feel that a Jewish babysitter is a far better option. At a young age, a child is so impressionable. The way this person interacts, speaks, and even plays with your children, can have long-lasting effects.

Let’s face it, raising children isn’t cheap. Actually, it’s quite expensive. In a few weeks, I’m going to share a very interesting question about children and costs. Suffice it to say, you need to separate expenses into at least two main categories - necessities and luxuries. I’m not going to go into detail, but having a Jewish babysitter seems to me to be a necessity.

I don’t believe your friends think you’re horrible people because of your decision, rather, they disagree with you. There have been many stories circulating about babysitters feeding kids non-kosher food, letting them watch inappropriate material, and more. Leaving your child with a non-Jewish babysitter should not be your first option.

If it’s any consolation, I know many people that have had non-Jewish babysitters and their children have turned out wonderfully. Additionally, I do understand that there are times or situations where one doesn’t have a choice but to use a non- Jewish babysitter. I’m just not a gambling man.

The below suggestions are not only for non-Jewish babysitters, but for Jewish as well. Anytime anyone is near your children, including a housekeeper, contractor, plumber, gardener and so on, you must be vigilant.

• Always get as many references as possible when hiring a babysitter.
• Having cameras set up around the house is great. Hidden or not is your choice.
• Discuss the day with your children. Younger children are usually very detailed and honest. Ask them what happened during the day. Get details.
• Don’t allow your babysitter to have non-kosher food in your house. If she’s a live in, you might want to ask your Rav for his thoughts.
• Do random spot checks. If you can’t, have a neighbor do it. Are the kids sitting in front of the iPad/TV/XBOX all day, or are they being taken care of? Is your babysitter spending all her time on the phone, instead of interacting with your child?
• Set up activities and classes for your babysitter to do with your child, such as a local library, gymnasium, park etc. In a case where you must use a non-Jewish babysitter, it might be a nice idea to arrange a Jewish play group so that your child can interact with other Jewish children during the day.
• A babysitter must understand that she needs to dress appropriately in your house.
• If you give her respect, she is much more likely to treat you and your children with respect.
• Leaving money lying around to test if your babysitter is honest is not a great idea. It’s kind of obvious, and won’t help much. You can usually tell pretty quickly if someone is honest or not.
• Having a babysitter should not be an excuse for your kids to become slobs. Make sure they clean up after themselves, and bring their dishes to the kitchen sink after eating. Not only will this make your children more responsible, it’ll make things easier for your babysitter.
• Along the same lines, Shabbos preparations (such as setting the table) should not be left entirely to the babysitter. Encourage your children to help out in some way and be involved as well.
• Wishing you all a wonderful Shabbos.
  
  YR
  
  

Last year, we discussed some Seder hints. This year, we'll try building on it.

1. It’s a great idea to have your younger ones take a nap on Erev Pesach. It won’t work if they’re all hyper, so giving them a book to read, and calling it “relaxing time”, might help. Kids don’t enjoy the Seder as much (and neither will you) when they’re overtired.
2. If your child has a Haggada from school, take it away when they come home. Give it to them at the Seder, so they have something to entertain themselves with.
3. While keeping proper Shiurim is very important, it might be a good idea to consult with your Rav before arguing with your 11-year-old about how much Matzah she ate.
4. I tried playing Pesach Bingo last year – I even made up cards and everything. Suffice it to say, it was a good concept, but I won’t be repeating it.  While my goal was to keep the Seder entertaining for the kids…  I didn’t realize the adults would get so intense.
5. Putting on skits with your spouse is always fun. You can even make teams, and see who can act out the story accurately. Sometimes, pairing off an adult with a child can make it more fun. This might be a bad idea if you or your spouse is fiercely competitive.
6. A good question is better than a good answer.  If your children ask a question, you don’t need to answer it right away. Simply say, “That’s a great question – can you come up with an answer yourself?”  It makes them feel great, and occupies them as well.
7. Try and keep everything age appropriate, if possible.  Five-year-old children will not sit through Maggid, and fourteen-year-olds may not want to sing Dayenu.
8. You and your spouse can take turns going ahead in Maggid, while the other one engages the kids in fun discussions.
9. Seating arguments? Who has the better pillow? It’s not worth getting aggravated.  This special night only happens twice a year.  Do your very best to keep all the kids happy – even if they’re not being reasonable.
10. Try and be as prepared as possible to make everything seem more exciting.  Once they are waiting for the Matzah or Marror to be measured, they start to lose interest.
11. If you have age discrepancies, for example a fourteen-year-old and a five-year-old, it might be hard to find common ground.  In this case, try splitting the table up.  You can talk about Pharaoh to the younger one while your spouse listens to the Divrei Torah.
12. Having a long Seder for younger kids seems silly. The whole point of the Seder is to pique and maintain the interest of the children.  Why would you want to have a five hour Seder?  Keep it moving.  Whereas there is no magic number, 2 ½ hours is more than enough for younger kids.
13. When Yachatz arrives, it’s Afikomen time. Let your children hide it, and you find it. Don’t use the word steal. We don’t want to condone stealing of any sort.
14. Rewarding the kids for questions and answers is a fantastic idea.  Some parents give a small treat after their child has recited the Ma Nishtana. If you’re using food, try to stay away from candies as it hypes up the kids. The end result will be a few overtired and extremely hyperactive kids moving around their chairs at supersonic speeds while asking, “Are we there yet?”
15. There’s a reason why children should not be drinking alcoholic beverages.  It’s not safe. I don’t even think it’s a good idea to pretend to give them alcohol (putting grape juice in the wine bottle).  Rather, give them a little bit on the bottom of their cups, and tell them when you they’re older, they can have a bit more.
16. This one is for the dads. Most of the women I know are frantically preparing for Yom Tov by shopping, cooking, cleaning, shopping, cooking, watching kids and shopping.  (When I say shopping, I’m not talking shoe shopping online. I’m talking about going to a supermarket with ten thousand other people, parking a mile away, and fighting for the last container of tomato sauce while simultaneously watching the three younger ones.)  The Seder night is their chance to sit back and enjoy.  Yes, we certainly want the kids to enjoy.  However, we can impart a great lesson if we tell the kids, “Hey, I have an idea!  Let’s help clean the table or serve, so Mommy can feel like a free person also!” 

 
Wishing you and your family a wonderful and meaningful Pesach. This year in Yerushalayim!
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YR