Rabbi Ross. I’m not sure how many other people have this issue, but I feel like the Bar Mitzvah season has been getting worse. With my older children, they would get home the latest at 10:15, and that was on a Motzoai Shabbos. Nowadays, there are parties ending past 11:00 on school nights. My son refuses to come home before it’s over since he doesn’t want to miss the games. Is it me or is this becoming an issue? A concerned Mother – Woodmere
I would also be concerned if my son came back from a Bar Mitzvah after 11:00 on a school night. I always thought most schools had rules in place to ensure this didn’t happen. I think the cutoff time should be 10:00 P.M. – meaning that the boys must leave the Bar Mitzvah at that time. This cutoff time should come as a directive from the school, since, as you pointed out, it’s hard for parents to enforce. There are a number of things that parents should consider when planning a Bar Mitzvah.
It’s certainly a special occasion, and it’s important to celebrate this milestone. But let’s make sure that it’s a celebration that everyone can enjoy, in the most appropriate and proper way. Mazal Tov! YR
13 Comments
Aryeh F.
3/15/2018 04:32:11 pm
I have a question. What happened to kids dancing themselves without motivators. Are they not capable? How did this even become a thing?
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Dani Gruen
3/15/2018 07:38:18 pm
My son refuses to be even a minute late. We can learn a thing or two from these boys. People need their events to run on time, and we show up so late. I do agree that start times need to be after school, but with your stop at 10:00 it doesn't leave much time for the party.
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David
3/16/2018 12:04:32 am
We can learn a lot from kids. I’m pretty sure that they are on time because they want to have fun, not because they are super responsible though. Lol
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Esty Gruen
3/15/2018 07:46:34 pm
A thousand times yes! Boys should certainly go over and say Mazal Tov! My children know that if they don't do this, they won't be going to any more parties! So important. Thank you!
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Sholom Dov Ber
3/15/2018 08:21:38 pm
There are other options for music that are cheaper and just as much fun as a DJ. Rent a sound system for $200 and play a CD. There are so many that are perfect for such an event. On a separate note, thank you for these wonderful articles.
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Daniel J.
3/15/2018 08:42:52 pm
Great article in the OU magazine! You're all over the place. Here's another Bar Mitzvah idea. Go to Israel and forget the party. It's cheaper, and leaves a longer lasting impression!
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Aviva Pechstein
3/15/2018 09:49:48 pm
Rabbi Ross. You hit on some very important points in this email, and I am so grateful. The one that really struck me, was the Davening. I can't count how many times my son who is already 13, has gone to a Bar Mitzvah, and not Davened. He usually ends up Davening in the house which is so sad. Thank you for sharing.
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Efraim Blinder
3/15/2018 10:39:15 pm
I loved the article about speeches. I also enjoy the fact that you brought up leftovers. It's such a waste, and families would love to have the food.
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Eliana Stern
3/15/2018 10:41:00 pm
The yeshivas must have an end time and not change it! Kids need their sleep, and getting home so late really affects their day.
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Eliezer Schwartz
3/16/2018 12:39:17 pm
Your start time point is well taken. It’s hard to determine an exact time since so many people show up late. Therefore, families start and hour earlier than they want people to arrive. The kids feel obligated to arrive on time, and therein lies the issue.
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Private
3/16/2018 12:40:11 pm
There are many great points here. I would add in one more. The Rebbe should be personally invited... not just an invitation in the mail.
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Close Talmud
3/17/2018 11:06:24 pm
What happened to just dancing? I remember my bar mitzvah we just danced, and we had fun. Then again my 7th grade Rebbi taught us how to dance. Maybe the schools should look into that.
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2/24/2021 02:01:08 pm
It really helped when you talked about what you need to consider when planning a bar mitzvah. The other day I ran into an old friend, and we stopped to chat over a coffee. He mentioned that his son's bar mitzvah was getting closer, and he had no idea how to plan it. Neither he nor his wife has a lot of time to do it since they're busy with their jobs, so he doesn't know what to do and doesn't want to let his son down. That's why I said he could hire a manager to help him plan the whole deal, and he liked the idea of it, but I'll be sure to share this information with my friend anyways. Thanks for helping me learn more about how a bar mitzvah is done.
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AuthorRabbi Yitzie Ross is a Rebbe and has been working with parents and kids for many years. You can read more about him in the "about" section. Archives
March 2020
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