Play Ball!

Rabbi Ross. My 9-year-old son is very unique – he hates sports. He is content playing with Legos all day and refuses to go outside and play with his friends.  I‘m worried about this for two reasons.  First of all, I think it’s detrimental socially. Also, it’s unhealthy for him to spend every waking moment inside the house. What can we do to get him outside?  Private – Woodmere
 
I hate to break this to you, but he is not unique. There are many children that are like this and it’s quite common. You do have to differentiate between him disliking sports and exercise. Many children hate the competitive part of sports, either because they don’t like the intensity, or they aren’t good at it.  However, not being willing to exercise or play outside at all is a totally separate issue.

You didn’t mention electronics, which is a completely different ballgame (pun definitely intended). Therefore, we’re going to assume that your son is not spending large amounts of time playing electronic devices, rather he’s just very involved with puzzles, Legos and similar activities.

Let’s first assume that your son doesn’t like sports. There is nothing wrong with that. You have many options available, and I’ll list a few of them.  

1. Challenge his creativity. If he’s into building Lego, get him advanced sets. They can be pricey, but there are many people that sell them used. I’ve even heard rumors that you can rent sets.
2. Get him a playdate with a similar mindset friend, so he can develop key social skills.
3. Not only should the playdate come to you, he should go to the other boy’s house also. A bit of a scenery change is a good thing.
4. Give him some options. He can sign up for gym classes, karate, or anything else that requires movement. He needs to pick one.
5. Don’t complain to him that he’s not exercising enough. Try not to give even disparaging glances when he’s playing. He already resents sports. You don’t need him resenting authority.
6. Whenever you have a chance, compliment him on his creativity and building skills. Comments like, “When you get older, you are going to be an amazing architect!” are perfect.
7. If he has siblings that are more into sports, encourage them to include him. In most cases, children that dislike sports don’t like losing, or experiencing the often-intense atmosphere. Try and convince his siblings to play chilled-out simple games. Kickball and soccer are both easy and don’t require much talent (on a basic level).

If your son refuses to do anything that involves outdoors or exercise, it’s a bit more complicated. Obviously, not having any exercise can truly be harmful to your child, and you need to take this seriously.

1. If you have children, I’m sure you understand that there are certain things that they dislike doing.  Homework, brushing teeth and showering are just a few that come to mind. Nevertheless, you still ensure that they do perform these necessary tasks.  Exercise is the same. You need to ensure that your child exercises, whether they like it or not.
2. That being said, exercise comes in many forms. Swimming, for example, is a great way to exercise, and many children love it.  Biking? Most kids enjoy that too!  Karate is another great option. Do your best to find an activity that excites your son, so he’s willing to try it.
3. Sometimes if a parent joins in, it makes it more exciting. I know it’s hard to find time, but this is important. Go outside and have a catch with him.
4. If all else fails, bring your son to the doctor and get his opinion. If your child is healthy and doing well, it might be smarter to leave him be for now. If the doctor feels he needs to get out more, let him speak with your child.

One father mentioned that he was puzzled that his child showed no interest, because both he and his wife were athletes growing up. My questions to him were as follows. Do you still go out and play? I’m not talking about a baseball game Sunday morning with “the boys”. Do you go outside with your kids and shoot hoops? Is there a block hockey game? Show your child you’re interested now, and maybe he’ll join in.

Have a good Shabbos
 
YR