Sports Obsession!

Rabbi Ross. My son is a diehard sports fan. It’s actually quite ironic since my husband and I both don’t really care that much, but my son is completely addicted.  He always wants to watch a game, and no season is safe. He watches every Yankees game, every Giants game, every Rangers game, and every Knicks game. The saddest part is, even if one of his favorite teams isn’t playing, he still finds a game to watch.

If that was it, I would probably be ok with it. He gets extremely intense during these games and won’t be disturbed. If his team loses, the world is ending. Homework? Not during games. Learning? Not a chance. If Maariv and Yankees conflict, he davens at what he calls the “Kotel” in the room where the game is playing. It seems to me that a twelve-year-old boy should be taking Davening a lot more seriously. My husband says your response will be the same as his - “Choose your battles”. Is he correct? Private - Woodmere
 
You husband is correct that I’m a big fan of “Choosing your battles”. That doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t fight any battles!   Part of the parenting challenge is being able to figure out what battles to fight and when to fight them.  

Let’s discuss your question. Your issue isn’t the fact that your son is a sports fan. It’s that he’s obsessed with sports. From the way you’re describing him, it seems that professional sports has taken over his life. I know of many children like this, and quite a few adults as well. It’s certainly not healthy for him for a few reasons. It can have a negative affect socially, and as you’ve noticed, it can cause him to become extremely moody. It doesn’t matter whether he’s watching these games online, using an app or on TV, too much is unhealthy.

You didn’t mention how long he’s been having this issue, but for arguments sake, let’s say it’s been happening for a year.  I consulted a psychologist who understands this issue very well, and he seemed to think it’s a phase that some kids go through.  Not the watching of professional sports, but the obsessive part.  According to him, this obsessiveness will tone down after a year or two.  If that doesn’t happen, he suggested that you speak to a professional counselor.

I have to admit, I was taken aback that he’s not willing to interrupt the games for Davening. I’m not sure how it got to this point, but there are two issues that should be dealt with immediately. First of all, there’s the fact that he’s not serious about his davening.  He needs to understand that Davening is something special and it should never be on the back-burner. You can click here for an article about davening.

The second issue is somewhat obvious. If a child is watching a game and a parent calls him, he must stop watching to respond.  Responses like “It’s almost over” or “I’ll be done in a minute” are completely unacceptable. When a parent tells a child to turn a game off, it can’t become a discussion. I would be remiss if I didn’t mention the following. There is an underlying issue that needs to be addressed if your twelve-year-old child is deciding what games he is watching. In any case, here are some ideas that you can try out.

1. When your son is actively watching a game, don’t begin discussing the fact that he’s too obsessed with these games. A better time is when he’s relaxed and focused. I would think a Shabbos afternoon is a great time.
2. You can begin by explaining how happy you are that he is a sports fan. Sports is a great and healthy outlet and you’re thrilled he’s enjoying himself.
3. Explain to him the statement “everything in moderation.” When a game becomes more than a game, it’s a problem.
4. Encourage him to get together with his friends to play a sports game, rather than watch it.
5. Explain that if this issue continues, you’ll be forced to deal with it very forcefully.

Here are a few other thoughts I have about this scenario.

1. Find out from his Rebbeim and teachers how he’s doing.  Make sure that this obsession isn’t affecting his grades.
2. Learn about the sports that he’s watching. Watch with him.  Show him that you’re not against the game, it’s just that you don’t want this to be his only focus.
3. Delineate certain times that he may not watch.  It can’t be a discussion. For example, during supper   he’s not allowed to watch.
4. I would be very strict about an electronics one-two punch.  If your son is watching a game, and checking other things on an iPod, it’s very unhealthy.  If he’s watching the game, his other devices should be put away.
5. Your son should not Daven in a room where he can see (or even hear) a ballgame. He won’t be able to concentrate properly.

Have a good Shabbos
YR