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The Battle of Fortnite

1/6/2019

6 Comments

 
Rabbi Ross. My boys have fallen prey to a game called fortnight. I’m not sure what the game is, but they are always playing, and they insist that all of their friends are also. Oddly enough, they’re kind of right. When I called other parents, they seemed helpless in the face of this game. I don’t want to be the bad mother, but I think my children need to stop playing. What should we do? Chaya - Flatbush

Yes, I’ve heard of Fortnite. It’s a video game that many people play, and it works on PlayStation, Xbox, Windows, Mac, iPhones and even Android phones.  Before we discuss your issue, I want to explain something. The first mistake that many parents make, is not understanding the games their children play.  Would you let your child hang out with a friend that you’ve never heard of? Would you send your child to a playgroup without vetting it properly? Of course not!  I’m not sure how parents could just allow kids to play any game without checking into it.

One father told me, “If so many kids are playing, it’s probably ok.” That’s ridiculous!  I know of a family that allowed their children unrestricted access to the game Clash of Clans. A few weeks later, they found out that their kids were talking with other players in a chat room of some sort. I saw a transcript of the conversation, and it’s the type of thing parents have nightmares about.  Let this be a lesson to all parents. Before allowing your children to play any game, make sure that you understand it yourself. If you are incapable, ask someone who does understand the game.

Let’s get back to Fortnite. This is a game that pits players against other players. There are treasures, surprises, rewards, and many other concepts that appeal not only to children but even to many adults. It’s a game with a lot of violence, although it’s less gory than similar games, and it has more of a cartoonish vibe.  Players can chat with strangers, although most boys play with friends. Most importantly, this game is extremely addictive.

Furthermore, when a player gets out, they can see how their opponent was doing.  This motivates them to try again since they were “so close” to winning.  A 6th-grade boy told me recently that the hardest part about Shabbos is that he can’t play Fortnite. It’s quite scary if you think about it.  I can assure you that a lot of money went into developing this game, and boy, is it working.  In March of 2018, the game made $296 million dollars! These developers will do whatever they can to keep the kids playing.

Now that you have a better understanding of the game, we can discuss how to wean children off of it.  Obviously, some of the ideas listed here might work, and others won’t. If you have any other ideas, please comment below or send me an email. These ideas are designed to stop your child from playing Fortnite, not from using electronic devices. That’s an entirely different discussion.

Obviously, many people reading this are thinking, “What’s the big deal? Take away their phones or devices or just delete the game!” If only it were that easy. Some parents have a strong relationship with their children and can get away with this. If it’s a viable option, go for it! However, many parents cannot. When I used the word addiction to describe this game, I wasn’t using it lightly. There are many children that are completely enveloped in the game. Parents all around the world have thrown in the towel and are at wit's end. These suggestions are for the parents that don’t know what to do.

  • It’s always a good idea to respectfully request from friends’ parents that they don’t allow this game to be played during a playdate (obviously, this will only work with younger children). However, it is important to be proactive and try to prevent your child from becoming exposed to the game
  • Are you on a WhatsApp chat with other mothers?  Bring it up. “Does anyone else have a problem with the game Fortnite? Can we all tell our kids that they can’t play anymore?” You’d be surprised how many parents would join in.
  • Encourage friendships with children that play other games. It’s unfair to expect your kids to stop playing if they are going to other boys’ houses that are still playing.
  • Make sure that he doesn’t play anywhere except at home. There are ways to take care of this using certain restrictions (not for this article). Certainly, make sure that if he’s going to sleep away camp, he can’t play.
  • Always give them a 5-minute warning before stopping play.  I know you want them to stop when you tell them, but there are preparations they need to make before stopping.  It’ll save you both some heartache. 
  • Quitting cold turkey is really difficult unless you incentivize them. It’s easier to cut back the amount they play week by week.
  • One dad told me he allows his kids one hour of Fortnite or 2 hours of electronics per week. Indubitably, they go for the two hours and play fewer addictive games.
  • Don’t keep complaining about how “addicted” he is. You gain nothing, and it’ll upset both of you. This includes bringing it up in conversation or talking about it when you’re upset about something else.
  • Deleting the game without warning won’t solve the problem. A few people I know have tried it, and it hasn’t worked out well.
  • Ultimately, the goal is to make sure it’s a passing phase, not a permanent part of his daily routine. If you feel that it’s taking over his life, get help from a professional.
  • As a last resort, learn how to play and join him in the game. You’ll have a better understanding of the game, and you’ll have a chance to bond with him.
Wishing you success in your battle,
YR
6 Comments
Gitty Schonbron
1/7/2019 09:36:30 am

This game is the worst. My kids play all day and night, and I completely lost control. My husband insists it's a phase, but I knew it.

Reply
Rachel rosenbaum
1/7/2019 09:39:00 am

Thank you for the article
Rebbe. What has helped me say an unequivocal NO to fortnite is that at YOSS (and I’m sure many other schools ) this game and topic has been discuss in a mandatory parent technology event. I simply
Told my kids that the school
Doesn’t think that is an appropriate game to play and I agree, final. They begged and pleaded for days and weeks and I didn’t waiver at all. I reminded them that the 1”12 year old boy from NY” that you think you are playing with is really a 45 yr old man from Texas or a 21 year old girl from California etc. talking and playing games with strangers online is like letting them go to a party where you don’t know anyone! The eventually saw I was serious and played other games

Reply
Sara orenbaum
1/7/2019 09:41:53 am

We don’t have those meetings in Brooklyn. Many of us bemoan the game but are helpless as the kids play. I’m going to try the WhatsApp suggestion. There’s safety in numbers. If we all stop together the kids won’t be able to argue.

Reply
Sarah N Frisch
1/7/2019 10:10:05 am

(Rabbi Ross - not sure you want to post this comment, comes across as a bit 'holier than thou'. but do want to share the info re website common sense media, at least with you).
I use common sense media to get information to make all electronic related decisions- games, apps, tv shows and movies. I read their reviews, check their ratings and then make my decisions. When my son first started asking about Fortnite, I said no, because the review showed that the free version of the game has a chat. Anything with a chat isn't allowed. Period. In retrospect, I'm so grateful that I always said no. I have seen multitudes of articles (not in the Jewish world) on what to do about kids (and family members!) that are addicted to Fortnite. I think a little due diligence in the beginning would have saved a lot of people headaches now. Because it's true that EVERYONE is playing it. Bottom line - do your research before saying yes.

Reply
Nigel Collins
2/8/2019 03:23:12 pm

I love the idea of setting a standard that prohibits any game with "Chat".

Reply
Chaim B.
1/7/2019 02:32:37 pm

This is a real problem! Kids are addicted, and Yeshivos are turning a blind eye! So many Jewish kids are stuck on this game.

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    Rabbi Yitzie Ross is a Rebbe and has been working with parents and kids for many years. You can read more about him in the "about" section.

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