The wheels on the bus...

Rabbi Ross. As parents of 4 wonderful children Bli Ayin Hara, there are many challenges that we face. The most difficult of all for us is the bussing situation. My kids have been learning new things on the bus, and I’m not talking about Hebrew subjects. On the days that they don’t get an education, they come home taking about horrible arguments or fights. I’ve tried talking to the school, but either they aren’t taking me seriously or they can’t do anything about it.  We’re at the point that we are thinking of just driving the kids every day. Why can’t they just hire someone to be a bus monitor like they have in camps? Please share any advice you think may help. Thank you. D&L – Cedarhurst

I don’t think that anyone enjoys sending their children on the bus. There are actually two parts to the bus ride. The morning ride, and the afternoon ride. In my experience, the bus in the morning is a lot more easy-going. Most of the kids are still sleepy and therefore just sit quietly in their respective seats, waiting for the bus to arrive at school.

The problem many parents have with the morning bus is more of a timing issue.  On those mornings that you’re behind schedule by one minute, the bus comes exactly on time. When you are on schedule, the bus seems to come late. Timing notwithstanding, there aren’t a lot of issues with the morning bus. Occasionally the drivers will say that some of the boys were acting up, but it’s nothing crazy.

The afternoon ride is, unfortunately, a different story. The kids are extremely hyper after sitting through a day of classes, and they are not being supervised in most cases. You asked about a bus counselor, but I’m not sure who would pay for that. In camps, the counselors will frequently monitor the younger kids, so they can get extra tips. During the school year, who is going to spend two hours a day sitting on a bus with the kids? You would need an older person, and I can’t envision the district or the bus company agreeing to pay for it.

I am aware that some buses have video cameras set up now. That’s somewhat helpful in figuring out what happened after an incident, but it’s not that helpful as a preventative measure. The bus drivers themselves are ill equipped to deal with most situations. Driving a bus isn’t as simple as one would think, and they need to follow certain protocols while the bus is in motion. They are unable, and probably not even allowed, to really intervene when there is a problem. Basically, it seems that your child is on his own on the bus.

Let’s switch gears for a second (pun certainly intended) and discuss what is happening on the busses. A few years back, one of my children came off a bus and told my wife that a boy kept saying the “S” word on the bus. Naturally my wife and I were quite upset and called the appropriate administration members immediately. We were also debating calling this boy’s parents. When I sat my son down to get the exact details, it came to light that the “S” word he was talking about was “Stupid.”

Whereas that sounds cute, it highlights the worst part of the bus ride. The education that the kids get. No matter the age, children learn new things on the bus. It could be something as innocent as the latest game that’s being downloaded. It could also be somewhat worse.  Before you start blaming other families for not raising their children properly, remember that their children probably learned things on the bus or from older siblings (who may have learned it on the bus.) In other words, it’s not time to play the blame game.
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Below are some ideas I can share regarding this issue. As always, some of these might work better than others. Feel free to share additional ideas in the comment section.

1. No matter what your child says, it’s not the same two boys always causing the issues. If these kids are not on the bus, others will step up to the plate.
2. The schools have limited options when it comes to bus issues. Many Yeshivos have bus monitors, but when push comes to shove (pun still intended), they’re 5th or 8th graders.
3. I’m sure you think that throwing the troublesome kids off the bus is the solution. It’s not.
4. Some parents have offered their children an incentive if they do their homework on the bus.
5. If you can find a boy that lives near you, you should try and create a seat “buddy” – someone that your son can always sit next to.
6. Music is a great option. Let your son choose which songs he likes and put it on an MP3 player. There are also stories he might enjoy listening to.  As an added bonus, wearing headphones will block him from hearing things that might be inappropriate.
7. There are certain spots on the bus that are more prone to troublemaking. The back of the bus is usually a hotspot, and in situations the front isn’t much better. I think that a middle seat is always a safe bet.
8. When an issue does arise, you need to tread carefully. I wouldn’t start calling other parents to verify what happened or post it on the class chat. Rather, let the school deal with it. Tell them what you know and stay out of it.
9. It’s not a bad idea to introduce yourself to the bus driver once or twice. Let them know that if your son causes any issues you will deal with it, and ask them to keep an eye out for your child.
10. Lastly, when your child comes off the bus, try to give them a few minutes of your undivided attention. If there were any issues, you’ll get to hear about it when it’s still fresh in their minds.

Have a good Shabbos!
 
YR