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To be a Rebbe...

12/15/2016

31 Comments

 
Rabbi Ross. I’ve been reading your articles for quite a few months, and I am really impressed by how much you have to offer. I have noticed in a few of your articles, that you seem to imply that younger Rebbeim might not be as qualified as the older ones.  I agree, and I’m actually one of the younger Rebbeim. I don’t feel super qualified and it worries me. What would you suggest younger Rebbeim do to improve their skillset?  A local Rebbe.

I was quite hesitant to respond to your question. These emails/articles are supposed to be about parenting, not teaching. However, after some thought, I’ve decided to share a few tips that I think will be appreciated by Rebbeim and parents alike. Please understand, this email might come off a little strong to both Yeshivos and parents.

There is a word that’s constantly growing in the world of Chinuch.  The word is “Happy”, and it’s changing the way we teach. Here’s how it works.  If the kids are happy they’ll learn well and have a great year. Now, in theory, this makes a lot of sense. If the kids are smiling, they will learn  better and come home happier.

Sadly, this concept of happiness is horribly misguided. It frequently comes at the expense of learning, classroom management, and overall discipline. What everyone needs to understand, is that children actually enjoy structure and learning. Furthermore, being strict is not mutually exclusive to children enjoying learning in the classroom!

One of the problems that arises is that Yeshivos are unable or unwilling to stand up to parents. When a parent calls and says that their child is not coming home happy, blame causation is immediately shifts to blamed on the Rebbe or teacher. Is he giving enough recess?  Is he too tough?  Writing assignments as punishments are certainly unacceptable.

The more experienced Rebbeim and Moros are feeling the pressure to conform. I recently spoke to a very experienced Rebbe, who told me the following. “I used to accomplish twice as much, but, nowadays, I need to go very slowly and make sure be careful not to hurt the delicate feelings of the 7th graders.”  What’s next? Political correctness seminars and sensitivity training? I’m sorry, but this is insane!

Newer and younger Rebbeim are being brought in. Many have no experience in the classroom, and are getting little or no guidance. Their main responsibility is to ensure the happiness of the children. If they accomplish that, they’re good as gold. One Rebbe confided in me recently, “I’m more scared of my Talmidim than they are of me.” Rebbeim and teachers are expected to teach at the proper class level and give over a love for Yiddishkeit, but how can they accomplish this, given all of these expectations?

The answer is actually quite simple. Here are the steps.
  1.  Speak to a few experienced Rebbeim or teachers.  Find out from each of them how they control their class. Ask about their rewards and consequences, and design your own program.
  2. Contact the parents at the beginning of the school year. Make them aware that you are excited to teach their children. Explain that you have specific rules that need to be followed, and that it would be appreciated if they back you up.
  3. Tell and show your students that you care about them. They need to hear this and feel that their Rebbe and teacher is truly concerned about them. 
  4. Explain, (in an age-appropriate fashion) that you want them to succeed and that you’re on their side. However, they need to act like B’nai Torah and do the required work.  
  5. Make sure to keep in contact with the parents. Call or text or email with positive nachas reports. Let the parents view you as a trustworthy educator who genuinely cares about their children.
  6. Make sure that your students understand that their parents will back you up if there is ever an issue.
  7. Last but not least, if you do have a problem with a specific child, call the parents before the child gets home. Don’t flip out on the parents, just let them know that you need their assistance.
Obviously, there’s a lot more that goes into Chinuch than these steps, but this is a great way to get your career started. I wish you all much success with your Talmidim.

Have a great Shabbos.
YR
31 Comments
Chavi
12/15/2016 09:13:43 pm

As a parent, I agree with this 100% - be a Rebbe who cares. Let me know you're on my side, and I'll work with you!

Reply
E.R.D.
12/15/2016 09:14:27 pm

Well written as usual. Short, solid and sweet.

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Yechiel Menser
12/15/2016 09:17:27 pm

A great article. Many similarities with this weeks Parsha of course. Yaakov has many ways of preparing for the meeting with Esav, Rebbeim have many ways to prepare for parents.

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Rabbi Ross
12/15/2016 09:56:38 pm

Thank you Yechiel.

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Ariel Taub
12/15/2016 09:18:02 pm

If every Rebbe cared, there would be a lot less OTD children.

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Avremi L.
12/15/2016 09:18:57 pm

I loved this. It's all about being Happy. You know what, sometimes there are sad things in life. If we sugar coat everything, we're not helping our children!

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Danny
12/15/2016 09:19:50 pm

You should be giving these classes to Rebbeim all over the world. I'll help with the cost of the training. Contact me. D.S.

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Rabbi Ross
12/15/2016 09:57:12 pm

Thank you for your kind offer. We'll keep in touch,

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Shifra Kaymen
12/15/2016 09:20:30 pm

Harsh but accurate. Rebbeim are being forced down the wrong path. Discipline is important.

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Yaffa L.
12/15/2016 09:21:24 pm

Rabbi Ross - I did enjoy this very much. However, don't you find that the younger Rebbeim are also more understanding?

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Private
12/15/2016 09:22:26 pm

A very important article. Most importantly since it gives Mussar to the parents and to the Yeshivas that patronize them. What happened to backing up the Rebbeim?

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Rabbi Ross
12/15/2016 09:58:11 pm

There are many Yeshivos that still back up their Rebbeim, but it's become a lot more rare.

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A delighted "Old" Rebbe
12/15/2016 09:33:57 pm

Words can't express how happy I was to read this article. I was pushed from my job because I was being to strict. Do you know how many Kinderlach I made into Bnai Torah? Now, my replacement is a young man with no teaching skills. But you're right. Everyone is happy. Well, SO ARE HIPPIES!

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retired parent
12/16/2016 01:41:44 am

The test of success is not only how many become bnei torah, but also what happens to the other students who don't become bnei Torah. Would like to see long term evaluations of a couple of decades to track what happens to our children in different approaches.

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Avigdor
12/16/2016 08:18:54 am

Hi. Judging from you many replies, it seems that you are a little bitter about the Yeshiva system. I don't think this article was addressing the (many) issues that go on. This Rebbe is probably correct. The younger Rebbe who took his job is probably inexperienced. This doesn't mean he was a great Rebbe either. However, it's not the point.

Retired Parent
12/16/2016 09:06:18 am

"Hi. Judging from you many replies, it seems that you are a little bitter about the Yeshiva system. I don't think this article was addressing the (many) issues that go on."
What did I write that you disagree with? If you give a specific comment, I can either explain differences or may be write that I agree with you.

Dave B.
12/15/2016 09:37:07 pm

Amazing article! Parents and administrators, read over and over again! This is not to say that some Rebbeim shouldn't be removed, but many good ones are being replaced.

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Pinny H.
12/15/2016 09:39:34 pm

Hold the presses! Rabbi Ross was picked up by the Jerusalem Post! Wow!

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Rabbi Ross
12/15/2016 09:59:39 pm

Pinny, I'm curious how you found this out - I had not t told anyone yet.

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E.W.
12/15/2016 09:40:27 pm

As one of the Younger Rebbeim, I approve of this message. Spot on! Maybe you shouldn't limit these emails to parenting?

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Chaim
12/15/2016 09:55:40 pm

While you might be right, parents have a right to be worried. There are so many Rebbeim that don't understand the effect their words can have. We need to be overprotective at times.

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Private
12/15/2016 10:46:47 pm

Wow. Where to begin? First of all, this is so amazing. Being a Rebbe is a privilege, and I've heard you are the best. However, I think a big problem is, that principals don't have the skills they need to balance between the Rebbeim and Parents. In any case, I forwarded this to everyone I know. Have a great shabis, and mazel tov on your daughter.

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R.D.
12/15/2016 10:49:09 pm

As a younger Rebbe, I disagree with this article. The most important part of being a Rebbe, IS keeping the kids happy. This way they learn that Rebbes and Yiddishkeit is full of joy. Maybe, focus on making your students happy, and less on writing gibberish.

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Rabbi Ross
12/15/2016 11:07:34 pm

I am not allowing anyone else to respond to you - three people already tried. First of all, you are not correct. While being happy is wonderful, I can assure you that it won't be the reason your Talmidim like you and/or remember you. Children love to learn. They love to feel that connection with Hashem, and as a Rebbe you need to gently and lovingly guide them.

As for your personal "attack", I am confused. You're a Rebbe? How could someone who teaches Torah, write something like that? I'm not sure how good of a job I do as a Rebbe, but I assure you my Talmidim are happy, and they learn up a storm. Have a wonderful Shabbos.

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retired parent
12/16/2016 01:35:09 am

I tend to agree with the spirit of your comment. The most important part of being a Rebbe is keeping kids happy and interested in Yiddishkeit.
BTW-that is a much more important factor in HS than ES.In ES -at least early grades students will be around the next years. By HS are real job is trying to keep them within our machene.
BTW IMO in general there is way too much emphasis in HS in achievement and too much emphasis in lower grades on making students happy. If the student hasn't learned by HS our HS mechanchim sadly will likely say he is not suited for them and we all know the usual result of that.

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Chanie A.
12/15/2016 10:51:36 pm

I printed this, and am going to send it to my sons Rebbe. He's a sweet guy, but is so worried about upsetting us parents, that my son comes home very often saying "We don't learn enough".

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Rabbi Katz
12/15/2016 11:05:07 pm

Rabbi Ross, you are truly inspiring! BSD, you have taken these words out of my mouth. I am always telling the Mispallilim in my shul, discipline is so important to our children. Happiness is so important - but true happiness comes from learning torah and serving Hashem!

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retired parent
12/16/2016 01:24:30 am

On a spiritual level there is no doubt that our goal is to be oved hashem. That hopefully will include being koveieh ittim letorah. For that to happen to our children as adults is our goal. But most important we must take all steps possible to ensure our kids reach adulthood with the desire to remain part of klall Israel and to love Yiddishkeit.

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Private
12/15/2016 11:05:32 pm

Rabbi Ross - please don't share my name. I'm a Rebbe in the 5 Towns. My Menahel told me recently, "I don't care what you're up to! You make sure these guys go home with a smile!" He wasn't joking.

Maybe, that's where the problem lies.

Reply
Retired Parent
12/16/2016 01:19:29 am

A mechanech has to determine what his primary goal is. Is it to ensure that his students know material or is it that his talmidim grow up to be fine menchim, who are ovdei hashem. There can be different ways of behaving depending on your goal.

Reply
P.L.
12/15/2016 11:08:54 pm

As a Morah, I greatly enjoyed this article. If only the schools would read this. Great job with all these emails.

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    Rabbi Yitzie Ross is a Rebbe and has been working with parents and kids for many years. You can read more about him in the "about" section.

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