Parenting
  • Parenting Home
  • Blog
  • About
  • Contact Us
  • Submit a Question
  • Index
  • Signup

We've got to be careful!

8/6/2020

10 Comments

 
Dear Readers. It’s been 4 months since I’ve replied publicly to any of the hundreds of emails I receive weekly. This pandemic has really changed things around to say the least, and I have not been able to respond due to time constraints. (I must have been doing a great job by “not” responding, since I gained many subscribers during this time.) Nonetheless, something is happening that’s forcing me out of my “sabbatical” of sorts.

When this virus reared its ugly head, shuls all over the world had to shut their doors. As soon as we got the OK, backyard Minyanim popped up all over the world. I read an article that said “Mi Keamcha Yisrael! If Shuls aren’t open, we’ll still Daven with a Minyan!” It was amazing.

In some areas, Minyanim began Davening inside the Shuls months ago. In other places, it started up a few weeks ago. While most people are beginning to head back to Shuls, others are contemplating keeping their small minyanim going. There are a few reasons why.
  1. It’s convenient.
  2. It’s quicker.
  3. It’s safer.
I completely understand. I personally know of six such Minyanim, and it really is technically safer from a health perspective. It’s outdoors, everyone wears masks, and Davening moves along very quickly. There are no speeches, no schlepping, and no membership dues.

In case you’ve forgotten, I wrote an article a while back that generated a bit of controversy. Specifically, I wrote that perhaps Shabbos Davening was taking longer than it should in Shul. I strongly feel that children’s attention spans are shorter than ever, and if we want to give over a love of “Tefila BeTzibur” we need to do our part. There were many people that disagreed with me, but I still believe that we need to be a bit more understanding.

When this virus hit, I began giving nightly Shiurim to help children that weren’t in Yeshiva. Along with the learning, I sent home a weekly newsletter that had Diveri Torah, Jokes, and an article from the Yetzer Hara. Spoiler Alert. I write the articles for the Yetzer Hara. One of the articles jokingly said the following (from the perspective of the Yetzer Hara) “I hope that you continue to Daven at home. Backyard Minyanim aren’t as powerful as going to Shul.”

I was kidding. At least I thought I was. As it turns out, many people have told me that they’re not planning on going back to Shul once this pandemic ends. Why should they? The Minyanim are closer, faster, and more convenient. Basements are being upgraded and responsibilities are being assigned. In many neighborhoods, new friendships are being formed. Neighbors that never really met are joining together to create Minyanim, and it’s simply wonderful.

Or is it? There are a few things that should make you take a step back.

1) You will likely lose the connection you’ve had with your Rav. I can’t stress how important it is to have a Rav. I’m not talking about the Drasha. If there’s an issue at any time (personal or halachic), having a Rav that knows your family is crucial. There are so many reasons, but here’s one. When your kids start dating, the other side is going to ask, “Who is their Rav?” Saying “They don’t really have one” is a big warning sign. 

2) When there is an issue during Davening, you won’t know what to do. You’re in middle of Laining and there’s an issue with the Torah C”V. There are Halachos that clearly delineate what steps should be taken. You can’t just skip that Posuk. Being in a Shul with a Rav is the safe move. 

3) Lastly, your kids will suffer. I am well aware that many children are losing their “Gishmak” of going to Shul. Students of mine have told me that when they go to the local Minyamin, it’s not as “real”. I’m not sure what that means, but I’m hearing it from many children. If Shul isn’t an option yet, it’s understandable. However, once the Shuls open, we must get these kids back into Shul. 

The virus has hurt us in so many ways. It took many of our loved ones away. It hurt us financially. It took a mental toll on everyone. Let’s not let it affect our spirituality. Let’s make every effort to return to our Shuls as long as it’s safe.

Have a great Shabbos!
YR
10 Comments
Shalom DovBer
8/7/2020 12:08:13 am

With everything going on, we NEED you to write these articles every week. I was about to give up on getting anymore. This is a wonderful point, but my wife is scared for me to go to Shul. I'll let her read this. Than you as always for your Avodas Hakodesh!

Reply
Retired Parent
8/10/2020 03:29:08 pm

There is no doubt that attendance at a big indoor minyan is a risk to health. The question is depending on age and other risk factors of the individual should they take that risk. Throughout history Jews have taken certain risks for performing Mitzvot , the question in the Covid case is should the individual attend schul. Really should be an individual decision based on probabilities of ndividual risks.
One does Avodah ha kodesh , but the question is certainly in a drabanan where general principle for hashkafa is be makom choli lo gazru Rabbanan. Certainly a question to ask ones Rav if davening bzibbur or not is the issue.

Reply
Tzippora Marks
8/7/2020 07:48:18 am

You are so right, Most of the men on the block by us are talking about making our own Shul. I will read this to my husband. Thank you.

Reply
Aryeh L.
8/7/2020 09:54:20 am

Does anyone realize how much work it is to really run a Shul? I can’t understand why people would bring this in themselves.

Reply
Rachel b
8/9/2020 09:36:30 am

Before the pandemic my son would never dream of missing a minyan. He’s a fresh bar mitzvah boy from the beginning of this year and took his minyan role seriously. Since the pandemic sort of made it “ok” to daven at home, he now struggles terribly with going to daven in shul with a minyan. How much should this be pushed. ?

Reply
Chavi Tessler
8/10/2020 02:11:30 pm

That's so sad. I am in a similar situation. My son is 15 and he shows no interest in going to Shul - he loves the Minyan down the block and uses his phone as the siddur. I'm scared to ask.

Reply
Retired Parent
8/10/2020 10:33:25 am

You will likely lose the connection you’ve had with your Rav. I can’t stress how important it is to have a Rav. I’m not talking about the Drasha. If there’s an issue at any time (personal or halachic), having a Rav that knows your family is crucial. There are so many reasons, but here’s one. When your kids start dating, the other side is going to ask, “Who is their Rav

Unstated but my guess is for better or worse a decent percentage of Sheilas do not go the Rav of the schul where people daven. They may go to a RY, another Rabbi who people are influenced by etc.
How much of the disconnect between members and at least some Rabbis is due to the members not interested and how much is due to the Rabbi treating job as being merely giving shiurim and paskening.
How much contact has the Rabbi of the schul had with the members during the months away from schul?
Similar to those excellent mechanchim who treat their talmudim as important people who they are concerned not merely as students to impart information, a Rabbi doing his job must also be concerned not only with the members Nechama but the members guf.

Reply
Avremi Lieber
8/11/2020 02:42:33 pm

This is a fantastic point. I am fighting with my kids to go back to shul, and our local Minyan has caused them to become very lax during Davening.

Reply
Avrumi Vrumison
8/11/2020 06:17:44 pm

So, to recap, the best reasons for the existence of a shul are:

1: to check a box on a shidduch resume - a concern that may or may not be valid

2: in case a shaila comes up DURING davening - how many times a year would you say this even comes up?

3: while I think this one might be valid, it’s poorly stated - we should go to shul, so that our kids want to go to shul? It still doesn’t directly define the value of going to shul. WHY should our kids want to go to shul?

A lot of words. Not very much substance.

Reply
Estie Simons - Flatbush
8/14/2020 08:43:16 am

So, to recap.

1) When it said “There are so many reasons, but here’s one” – I guess you took that to mean that’s the only reason. It seems that he only listed one reason. I’m guessing having children in Shiduchim isn’t Nogeia you now, but for many of us it’s a valid concern. I can think of many more reasons, including having an issue with my son’s Yeshiva, dealing with certain private Halachos and more.

2) Hmm. If a Sheila comes up even once, it’s important to have a Rav. In my husband’s backyard Minyan, they had a question about saying Tachunun, and had to stop and text the Rav during Davening. I guess you would just skip it? SMH

3) Oh. You actually agree but can still find something negative to say. I loved this reason. When parents do things, children imitate. I’m guessing that your kids (if you have) are also negative people that criticize everything instead of trying to gain from things.

Lots of words from an internet troll, too embarrassed to use his own name, while reading articles that don’t pertain to him so he can write nasty things. Seems sad.

Reply

Your comment will be posted after it is approved.


Leave a Reply.

    Author

    Rabbi Yitzie Ross is a Rebbe and has been working with parents and kids for many years. You can read more about him in the "about" section.

    Archives

    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016

    Categories

    All

Home

Donate

Sign Up

Blog

Contact

Copyright © 2020
  • Parenting Home
  • Blog
  • About
  • Contact Us
  • Submit a Question
  • Index
  • Signup