Dear Rabbi Ross. My wife and I truly appreciate your articles, and we really value your opinions. Since you’re a Rebbe in a Yeshiva as well, we wanted your thoughts on an important Chinuch Issue; namely which track our child should be in. As you well know, there are usually multiple tracks in most Yeshivos. The higher track usually has the serious Rebbe, the lower track has the fun or younger Rebbe. Our son going into 6th grade wants to be in the lower track, but he really should be in the higher one. Does it matter? Should we ask the Yeshiva to change him over? Does he really need the extra hour of learning every day? Or should we let him have a fun year? Thanks in advance! Robert – 5 Towns
Robert, you are asking a very loaded question. There are so many variables involved in choosing a class for your children. In order to keep this answer organized, let’s break it down. 1) What’s best for your child? If he is capable of being in an advanced class, there are many additional skills he can gain. Typically, Yeshivos put a solid Rebbe with this top Shiur, and the goal is to learn on a stronger level. However, even if your son is academically capable, it does not mean he is on at the correct emotional level. If he spends the year dreaming about the “Fun” class, not only won’t he have a fun year, but he won’t be learning either. 2) Who are his friends? The “Chevra” that your son hangs out with will have a tremendous impact on his growth. This doesn’t mean that one track has a better group than the other ones. It just means that you have to know who your son’s friends are. You’re not necessarily looking for the strongest students, rather you’re looking for the kids that will be good influences or have stable homes. 3) Who should he NOT be hanging out with? There’s always that one kid who is just not a good match for your son. This isn’t a “bad” kid, but one that either has a personality conflict with your son, is a negative influence, or bullies him (whether physically or emotionally). Although there are ways to deal with these issues, better to avoid them in the first place. 4) What is the yeshiva’s policy? Every Yeshiva is different. However, there is one thing they all agree on. When parents get overly involved, it almost always backfires. Although you mean well, when you start requesting specific classes or Rebbeim, the Yeshiva will be quite unhappy. If the Yeshiva does give in to you, you should understand they won’t switch your son back if you decide it was a mistake. It’s almost always a one-time deal. Now that we’ve gone over the main points, let’s take a step back. If your son has been with the same group of boys for a while, switching him isn’t a great idea. If there are extenuating circumstances it’s understandable, but otherwise, leave him where he is. If your son is asking to switch, you have your work cut out for you. If he’s asking to switch because the other Rebbe is more fun, you need to tell him something like this: “Some Rebbeim are more fun, some are less. We can’t switch around to get specific Rebbeim every year; that’s not the way it works. However, we’re very proud that you want to enjoy your learning, and we will work with you to make this a great year!” Whatever the reason, keep in mind the following. Under no circumstances should you ever speak badly regarding a Rebbe to other parents. Additionally, if you think that a boy is not a good match for your son, don’t discuss this with other people. You can ask a previous Rebbe or Menahel for their opinion, but leave it at that. Speaking Lashon Hara is not a good start to raising a Ben Torah. Lastly, I wanted to point out that I strongly disagree with your implication that a younger Rebbe is more suited to teaching Torah. I’ve been a Rebbe for over 20 years, and I know of many excellent Rebbeim that are young and old. Just because a Rebbe is younger does not mean he understands children better or will communicate better with them. With age comes wisdom. Obviously there are certain Rebbeim that could use a nice retirement party (the kids would be happy to set it up), but to base your opinion of a Rebbe based on his age seems arbitrary. To quote Ronald Reagan when his opponent mentioned how old he was, “I will not make age an issue in this campaign. I am not going to exploit, for political purposes, my opponent's youth and inexperience!” In next week’s article, we’ll discuss approaches for how to motivate your kids if they are not enjoying the class. (If your child is having issues with his Rebbe/teacher, you can click here to read a previous article discussing it.) Wishing you all much Hatzlacha with your children! YR
27 Comments
Sara Levine
8/11/2016 05:49:12 pm
Many great points. I am so curious as to your ideas for next week. I would like to point out that unfortunately, the Yeshivos DON'T always have the kids interest in mind.
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Rabbi Ross
8/11/2016 07:00:39 pm
If you truly believe that your Yeshiva does not have your child's best interest in mind, you need to figure some things out. Please contact me privately.
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Dani
8/11/2016 05:50:08 pm
Great article. Why do the fun Rebbeim always go with the less advanced classes?
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Rabbi Ross
8/11/2016 07:04:55 pm
Thank you. The more "fun" Rebbeim need to be in the lower tracks, otherwise EVERY parent would request the upper track. in this way, there is a clean split.
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Shmuel Aryeh
8/11/2016 05:51:46 pm
Do you think that a weaker child has anything to gain by being in an advanced class? Thank you for these well-written articles.
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Rabbi Ross
8/11/2016 07:07:37 pm
Your welcome. It really depends on if his friends are in the stronger class, and what his level is on. If he won't gain much in the weaker class, and he won't disturb the learning, maybe the upper class isn't such a bad idea. Listening to Torah even if you don't understand, is such a great Mitzvah.
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Shoshana F.
8/11/2016 05:53:49 pm
Keep up these wonderful emails! I remember when there was only one track and no issues. Baruch Hashem there are lots of Yiddisha Kinder!
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Aviva Bensimon
8/11/2016 05:55:16 pm
I just had this argument with my school. They refused to put my son in the upper track. They are hurting my child! What should I do?
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Rabbi Ross
8/11/2016 07:08:11 pm
This is not a question I can answer on this blog. Please contact me privately.
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Zahava Lerner
8/11/2016 05:57:58 pm
Some Yeshivos have what the parents call a Nebach class. The weakest are put there and they just have fun all day. Have you heard of this Rabbi Ross?
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Rabbi Ross
8/11/2016 07:12:04 pm
Regretfully I have. If your child is having fun in Yeshiva without gaining or learning, something is very wrong.
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Private
8/11/2016 05:58:36 pm
Rabbi Ross - this is an email that is a long time coming. Thank you for having the guts to write about things that are typically ignored.
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Ariella V.
8/11/2016 06:01:03 pm
I sent this email to the class what's app. We have been discussing this all summer. Thank you for your great advice!
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Rabbi Ross
8/11/2016 10:38:05 pm
You are most welcome. I hope it helps.
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Yehoshua Dov
8/11/2016 07:02:11 pm
This is another one of my favorite emails! You are once again spot on Rabbi. There are so many variables, including of course Limud Torah!
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Rabbi Ross
8/11/2016 07:35:26 pm
Great Point! Many people inadvertently forget that there is an amazing Mitzvah of learning Torah. Being in the top Shiur is always a way to learn more!
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Yechezkel R.
8/11/2016 07:03:39 pm
I keep reading this article, since my wife & I are in middle of this discussion. What if we have twins on the same level. Should we keep them separate or let them both go to the upper class?
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Rabbi Ross
8/11/2016 07:36:22 pm
That really depends if they would work well in the same class or not. Please email me privately.
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Baila L.
8/11/2016 07:13:41 pm
I wish they just left the classes as they were. What an annoyance for all of us. Nonetheless, this is an amazing article!
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Rabbi Ross
8/11/2016 07:37:06 pm
Thank You! Incidentally, there are reasons that classes are separated. I'm not sure I agree either, I really understand both sides.
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Cheskel Tykovitz
8/11/2016 07:16:06 pm
It's always so hard for the boy that no one wants to be with. What about him?
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Rabbi Ross
8/11/2016 10:40:15 pm
It's great you're looking out for him! Typically, a boy like this has issues that are sending warning signals to the other kids or parents. The Yeshiva should be involved in helping this boy develop proper social skills, and get him the assistance he needs, Additionally, you can still have your child have him over for a playdate - you just don't want him in the same environment all year.
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Private
8/11/2016 10:34:53 pm
This really hit me in the Kishke. I switched my son to a lower Shiur to give him a fun year, and he's so far behind. Why didn't the Yeshiva warn me?
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Rabbi Ross
8/11/2016 10:40:57 pm
Some Yeshivos warn the parents, others don't. It's hard to say. Can he be switched back?
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Chaya Mushka
8/11/2016 10:35:42 pm
It seems this email struck a chord with many people. Perhaps the Yeshivas should explain this to parents in detail and not leave it a mystery.
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Sam Taub
8/12/2016 08:01:36 am
What a sad thought. Kids being separated at a young age, based on acedemics. Why not wait until high school? Will there really be such an impact to wait a few years? When does this start?
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Avigdor Pletzky
8/12/2016 10:03:09 am
May I suggest, that you add on a third part. I would love to hear your viewpoint as a Mechanech. It seems that you're wary of discussing your feelings, but we'd love to hear them! Thanks you for the emails.
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AuthorRabbi Yitzie Ross is a Rebbe and has been working with parents and kids for many years. You can read more about him in the "about" section. Archives
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